


She Must be Incredibly Strong

by ThereIsASong



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Nightmares, River Has Some Real Trauma, So Does The Doctor But We'll Talk About That Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27220450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsASong/pseuds/ThereIsASong
Summary: With her head and hand against the Doctor’s chest, River could feel the Doctor’s double heartbeats through her cheek and palm.The familiar gesture made the Doctor’s eyes well with tears. After all this time, having her wife in her arms, River allowing herself to be so open and vulnerable, it was the most precious and beautiful thing that the Doctor had ever experienced. She leaned down to bury her face in her wife’s hair as she continued making comforting sounds.
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	She Must be Incredibly Strong

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place just a few hours after my other story, "But Always When You Need It Most, There is a Song." 
> 
> Basically all you need to know is that yesterday River came back from the library in a new body and rescued the Doctor from prison. The Doctor was VERY happy to be reunited with her wife. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading. I love getting feedback in the comments so I know what ya'll enjoy reading about! 
> 
> BTW - The title is a quote from "Day of the Moon." It's River talking about her younger self.

The Doctor sat bolt upright and noticed several things at once. The first was that someone was screaming.

Not a high-pitched, Hollywood horror type of scream. This was a low, agonizing scream, the kind that starts deep inside the center of a person, that is not a cry for help but an expression of unbearable pain.

The second thing she noticed was that she was in a bed in a dark room. This was notable because she almost never slept in bed.

The Doctor rarely ever slept, and during her time in prison there was always at least a faint light emanating from somewhere down the hall, more than enough to see by. Before prison she would nod off while reading or telling the Fam about one of her many adventures. She would wake up in her study, on Yaz’s couch, one time with her head on Graham’s dining room table.

Sleeping made her incredibly clever brain (if she did say so herself) _so_ slow – and it took her a moment to remember where she was. She was in the TARDIS in their bedroom.

 _Their_ bedroom – River! River was here, was presumably in bed with the Doctor, at least she had been when the Doctor fell asleep.

She had just jumped out of bed when she realized – of course – that the screaming was coming from her wife. She felt a cold chill run down her body from the base of her skull to her toes before her adrenaline kicked into full gear.

Her fingers found the light switch as she turned to the bed to see River, her lags thrashing and her body tense and taught. Her hands covered her eyes, shielding her from something the Doctor couldn’t see.

Acting on instinct, the Doctor jumped back onto the foot of the bed and crawled quickly up and over River to find out what was happening. She had just reached out to remove one of River’s hands from her face when she was swiftly kneed in the stomach and rolled off her wife with a grunt of pain.

Luckily, it didn’t feel like River’s knee had hit anything important. The sensation of getting kicked in the stomach in her own bed, though, triggered a memory in the Doctor, of another body receiving the same treatment as it tried to wake a screaming River Song.

She could have kicked herself for being so slow. Of course, River was having a nightmare.

The Doctor had woken to the sound of screams more times than she could count. But that had been a lifetime ago, when she wore a bowtie and she and River met out of order.

Once River had discovered that she almost never had nightmares with the Doctor in her bed, she had refused to sleep without her husband by her side.

River could stay awake much longer than a typical human, but still there had been times when she had clearly pushed herself. She would arrive exhausted in the TARDIS after weeks awake and drag the Doctor to bed to sleep for a full day, without even engaging in any funny business first.

But that had been ages ago. Once they had settled into their domestic – at least by their definition - life on Darillium, the nightmares had all but stopped, happening only occasionally.

Once the pieces of the long-forgotten puzzle clicked together in her mind, the Doctor moved through muscle memory. Kneeling on the pillow next to River’s head, she placed one hand on River’s shoulder and one on her cheek.

“River, River, wake up River.” She spoke loudly and clearly, trying to be heard over the sound of River’s screams. She repeated River’s name again and again, until the kicking stopped and River’s body started to shake.

The Doctor knew this meant her wife was awake, and it was safe to execute the next step without risk of further bodily harm. She sat cross-legged at the head of the bed and pull River’s trembling body into her lap, resting her wife’s head against her right heart. River immediately curled into herself, never removing her hands from her face as she began to sob loudly.

“Shhh you’re alright, Dear.” The Doctor comforted, while softly stroking her hair. “You’re safe. I’m here, I’ve got you. You’re in the TARDIS in bed and you’re safe.”

River brought her hand up to rest over the Doctor’s left heartbeat, and the Doctor sighed in relief. This is what River had always done to ground herself as she dealt with the terror and grief of her nightmares.

With her head and hand against the Doctor’s chest, River could feel the Doctor’s double heartbeats through her cheek and palm.

The familiar gesture made the Doctor’s eyes well with tears. After all this time, having her wife in her arms, River allowing herself to be so open and vulnerable, it was the most precious and beautiful thing that the Doctor had ever experienced. She leaned down to bury her face in her wife’s hair as she continued making comforting sounds.

River continued to cry, and this was the Doctor’s least favorite part, worse even than hearing River’s gut-wrenching screams. Holding her sobbing wife to her, she desperately wanted to flood her mind with happiness, love and safety.

She had this same overpowering urge every time River cried in her arms after a nightmare. River insisted, though, that she needed to feel her fear, her loneliness, her pain. They were part of her, and it hurt more to dismiss them.

What she had asked of the Doctor was to just hold her, make her feel safe and loved, and to wait until River could untangle herself from her emotions and come back to the present, to her body, and to the Doctor.

So just like many times before, the Doctor sat patiently, cradling River against her chest and stroking her hair, her arms, her back. She whispered soothing words of comfort and love, supporting her wife as she faced her feelings.

To some it might have looked like River was weak and breaking, but watching her wife fight her demons, the Doctor knew River was the bravest person she had ever met.

Eventually, River’s breathing evened out and her body relaxed against the Doctor’s. Her hand lifted from the Doctor’s heart and rested gently on her wife’s cheek. The Doctor leaned into it, and River lifted her face to look into the Doctor’s, giving her a small, shaky smile.

“Are you back with me Dear?” The Doctor said quietly.

“Yes, I believe I am.” River responded, her voice hoarse and tired. She shifted and pulled herself up, staying cradled in the Doctor’s lap, but propping her head against the crook of the Doctor’s neck. Her wife’s arms slid down to grasp her around the waist, continuing to hold her gently but firmly to her.

“I always fit so nicely in your arms, no matter what body you have.” River noted. Her breath grazed the Doctor’s neck, and she could feel goosebumps forming in its wake.

“This body doesn’t keep away your nightmares like the others did.” the Doctor worried. She had been preoccupied, as she always was, with the trigger of River’s nightmares and what she could do from preventing another.

“This body is so much smaller than you’re used to River, and so much more… _woman-y_. Maybe I can’t make you feel safe anymore.”

River paused, running her hand lazily along the Doctor’s collar bone as she thought.

“It was never your body that made me feel safe Sweetie.” she murmured tiredly. “It was your presence.”

With what appeared to be great effort, she lifted her head to be level with the Doctor’s and looked into her eyes.

“You are the one person in this universe that I trust completely.” River said. “I know you will always have my back, and I _always_ feel safe with you.” River smiled. “Plus, I like that you’re woman-y now,” River smirked.

The Doctor laughed around the lump forming in her throat, and moved her hand to cup River’s cheek.

“You make me feel safe too, River.” she whispered. “It’s been so long since I…” Her voice broke and she leaned her forehead against River’s. “I’m always looking out for other people, protecting them. But with you… I know that you’ll be there with your clever brain and _brilliant_ body to save me just as often as I do you.” The Doctor sighed deeply. “I don’t know how I made it so long without you.”

River leaned forward and kissed away a tear the Doctor didn’t realize was running down her cheek. Her lips gently dragged down her face they met the Doctor’s, kissing her light and sweet.

With an exhausted but contented sigh, River’s head dropped against the Doctor’s shoulder.

“When you woke up, were you even touching me at all?” River asked knowingly. The Doctor thought for a moment.

“I was on my back, on my side of the bed.”

“Well that was probably it, then. I couldn’t feel you there with me. I’m still getting used to having a body again, to sleeping. That’s why I… why it happened.” River snuggled closer to the Doctor.

The Doctor felt a wave of guilt and hugged River closer wrapping herself protectively around her wife.

“I’m sorry, River. It’s been so long, I think maybe I’m not used to being this close to anyone, physically I mean. My last body was not one for touching, except for you of course.” She added with a smile. “And I guess I just don’t really think about it anymore.”

River hummed lazily and stroked the back of the Doctor’s hand lightly with her fingertips, signaling her drowsy acknowledgment.

“I really do love it, though, River.” The Doctor added enthusiastically. I mean… erm, I’m not used to it, but with you it’s… sort of… nice. No, ‘nice’ isn’t the right word, I just mean…”

“Sweetie,” River interrupted. “I’m exhausted. I know you don’t mind touching me, you proved that well enough last night.”

The Doctor’s face flushed a light pink, and she relaxed as the feeling that she needed to prove something to her wife melted away.

“You’re just used to being on your own, it’s not your fault you’re rusty on the cuddling.” River teased. “This body’s never been properly trained anyway.”

“Oi!,” the Doctor protested, “I think I’m doing quite well right now, thank you.”

“That’s true.” River said through a smile. “Can we move this horizontal though?”

The Doctor shifted, and River curdled herself on her side under the blankets, while the Doctor sat awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

“Really, Doctor?” River laughed, “You didn’t need _any_ instruction on touching me last night but you forgot this bit? Just lay on your side and curl around me, it’s not rocket science.”

The Doctor mumbled something about acing her rocket science courses as she lowered herself to her side and pressed against River’s back. Her arms wrapped around her wife, one landing on her stomach while the other wove itself into River’s.

She smoothed back her wife’s gorgeous but inconveniently sized hair so she could lay her head right behind River’s, the Doctor’s face resting against her neck.

She turned and kissed River lightly, earning a contented hum from River, who was already beginning to drift off. She wiggled herself even more snugly into the curl of the Doctor’s body.

“I won’t leave you this time I swear.” the Doctor promised. “I’m not tired anymore, I won’t even fall asleep. Mind you I might get a little bored, this body has a hard time sitting still. But I think I’ll just try to memorize every single detail of you. The hair itself will take ages, and you’ll probably be awake by then.”

River didn’t respond, the only sound the slow, rhythmic breathing of her sleeping. The Doctor smiled and burrowed deeper against River. Who was she kidding? Given the chance, she would spend the rest of eternity exactly where she was.


End file.
